I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize