I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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