Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
