so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
