Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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