is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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