OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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