Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
