She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
