planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
