Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
