I'm passing your future prison.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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