he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
