I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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