just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You need Xanax blowdarts
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
