How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
