Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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