Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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