Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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