You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
