planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
