508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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