i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
