Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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