yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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