I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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