they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
