just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize