I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
