HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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