He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
