he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
