Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
