birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
