I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
