Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
