Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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