At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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