Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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