She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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