Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
