saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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