my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
