my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
