it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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