i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
