was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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