he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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