I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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