when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
