She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize