dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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