i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
