i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
