he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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