I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
