it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
