it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mom said you looked used
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
