god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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