Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
