so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
