"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize