If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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