I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My cat gives me a boner
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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