So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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