what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
