I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
