I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Randomize