I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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