and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
