I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize