Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
