She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
