i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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