I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
