I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
