i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize