my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
