Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
