this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize