I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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