weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have post one night stand depression
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
