I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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