You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
